What is your most probable predicable Future?

What is your most probable predicable future? How do you make sure it is not more of the same? There is a law in nature that states matter is either in a state of growth or decay and there is no middle ground. The same can be said for human beings. You and I are either getting better or we’re getting worse, there is no staying the same.

It’s interesting that the flow of time is always forward and each moment is just that, a moment that is already gone!

This graph represents your most probable certain future.

You start off in life with an upward trend over time. Things are going just fine. You are learning, growing, getting an education or a job and maturing. There are some struggles but you move through the ups and downs generally coming out as a better person. If you chart this at forty years old, (X), over the next ten years you can expect to wind up at (Y), representing more, better, different and again, improved.

It is not a breakthrough to wind up at Y. This is simply an improved version of the same. A breakthrough is to wind up at Z. Now that’s an outrageously fulfilled life. What is the probability that in ten years your life will be outrageously improved?

Let’s look at this from a different perspective. Let’s examine the issue of probability. Years ago there was a popular T.V. game show called “Let’s Make A Deal”. The host of the show, Monty Hall, would show three doors with a wonderful prize such as a car behind one of the doors. After the contestant chose a door, Monty Hall would open a different door, revealing a joke prize that the contestant would be thrilled that they did not pick. A joke prize might be a live donkey for example.

You chose Door 1. Monty then says, “let’s show you what’s behind door number 3”, and of course a beautiful woman is holding a rope on the donkey and Monty is quick to point out that the prize is the donkey, not the woman. That’s what you didn’t win.

Next Monty gives you a choice. Do you want to keep to your original choice or change your mind and select door number 2 in the hopes of winning the new car?

The audience cheers and shouts out their opinion as the contestant is in agony. What would you do? What is the probability that you have correctly chosen the door that has the car? Most people would look at this and think that you have a 50-50 chance of being correct if you stay with your original choice or if you change to door number 2. This is not correct.

This is a lesson in thinking and altering perspectives. Take this a step further to expand your thinking. Imagine that there were 6 doors and you selected door number 1. After the choice is made, Monty hall reveals the unwanted prizes behind 4 of the doors, leaving only yours and one other. Do you still believe that there is an equal chance that the door is behind one of the remaining two doors, or, has your intuition about the situation been changed?

A method of thinking being used here is to exaggerate the potential outcomes. Suppose we exaggerate the situation to 100 doors or even 1 billion and Monty opens all but two of them after you have made a choice. Should you switch doors or stay with your original choice?

At this point, you are probably thinking about switching. What is the chance that you correctly selected the door with the car with 1 billion doors? You have a 1 over one billion chance of being correct. From that perspective would you change your choice?

Let’s look at this from another thinking perspective call taking the opposite. What is the chance that you would be correct if you changed your selection? If it is almost certain that you were wrong, 1/1,000,000,000 on your first selection, then the chance of being correct if you change is 999,999,999 in a billion! It’s almost certain that you should change your selection.

Now let’s return to the original situation of 3 doors and measure the probability of winning there. The chance that you were wrong with the first guess is 2/3. Therefore, if you switch after one prize is revealed you have a 2/3 chance of winning the car. If you stay with your original guess, you only have a 1/3 chance of winning the car.

This problem has stumped many people including mathematicians. It’s an example of a few peak performance principles. First, the law of large numbers is being used through exaggerating the problem. Exaggeration enables you to see trends and make most probable predictions. It is then easier to return to your current situation with a new perspective.

This problem also shows you that you can’t trust what you see and how you instinctively think. Your gut is going to tell you that there is a 50-50 chance of having selected the right door with your first guess. Probability theory disagrees.

It’s not too much of a stretch to apply this to the bigger picture of your life. You want an exciting life filled with love and abundance. The question is should you stay the same, continue on with the same habits and routine as you currently have now, or should you make a dramatic change? It appears most certain that unless you make a dramatic shift in your thoughts, actions, routines, habits, then you will wind up with the most probable certain future of more, different, better, but simply another version of the same.

In order to have an outrageously exciting, abundant and successful life, the most certain move would be for you to change! Now the assignment is to examine your life and to decide what needs to be changed. Good luck!

Trump Wins! Now What?


I do not bring politics or religion into any of my presentations. However, this unique moment in history does bring an opportunity to visit and apply one of the behavioral skills that I teach on emotional regulation.

I thought that Hillary Clinton would win the election in a landslide. I just couldn’t imagine that the USA population would accept or ignore the manner that Trump ran his campaign with his uncensored remarks. Plus, I know how the markets strive for certainty and I was afraid of what might happen if Trump was elected.

Like many people I was caught off guard and very surprised at the outcome. Two of my coaching clients were very distraught, angry and even depressed by this outcome. They were so affected that it was noticeable and had friends and family seriously concerned.

Fortunately I had an opportunity to have a call with each of them right after the election. Here is the gist of how the call went. My philosophy is that stress and suffering are both self-imposed. Most people don’t want to have this type of a conversation because it means that you don’t get to be a victim and blame someone or something outside of yourself.

You would be absolutely amazed at how easy it is for people to be attached to blaming. One of the key components of being a top leader is to live in 100% responsibility. That’s one of my coaching commandments, “I am the source of all that I experience versus going victim and blaming others”.

I explained that now that Trump is elected you need to live in the reality of what is and not be upset because things didn’t turn out the way that you thought they should have. Now it’s time to make a choice. What are you going to pay attention to? You can decide to focus on how terrible, horrible and awful your think this is and how the world now will come to an end.

That choice reminds me of this quote by Richard Bach;

“The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly.”

Quantum theory explains that our world is filled with multiple possibilities, multiple potentials all super imposed as wave lengths of possibility until you make your selection. Once you choose than all other wave lengths collapse and the only thing that is left is your choice.

So I told my clients to go ahead and give themselves a time to be angry, depressed, disappointed and to feel the emotions that are present. Allow them to surface. Don’t attempt to suppress them. Accept them. However, give yourself a time limit. So, for the next 3 hours for example, allow yourself to feel and embrace the injustice of it all. Then, after that time, stop. Period!

No more victim perspective. Now it’s time to tune into opportunities and positive possibilities. What good can now happen with Trump in the white house? How can you be of service to assist in Donald Trump being a successful president? Get excited. Tap into the scientific principle of “Act as if”. The human brain cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is vividly imagined.

There is a formula to this effect;

I x V = R

This means Imagination x Vividness = Reality

The same area of the brain is activated when you imagine shooting foul shots as when you physically practice shooting the shots.

There is no other choice. The science is clear. There are multiple manifestations from a physiological and mental standpoint in reaction to the nature of your thoughts. You must choose a positive attitude and outlook.

When I travel and I’m walking through the very crowded Atlanta airport to my next connecting flight I catch myself all the time saying, “I love everything about what I do!” As I’m driving my rental car to my next city for the next two hours to an isolated resort at 11:00 pm after a presentation 3,000 miles away that same day I say to myself, “I love everything about this!”

What is the alternative? That’s what I call double duty! Not only is the unpleasant thing happening but you are also upset about it.

The purpose of this note is to be an advocate for positive mental attitude. However, I must emphasize that this advocacy is in alignment with what the science says about how the brain responds to the nature of your thoughts and what physiological changes happen because of your thoughts.

So get excited and be creative, not reactive! Same letters, different arrangement!

The Amygdala Hijack-How your brain bypasses logic and creates anxiety.


I had a speaking engagement booked by a speaker’s bureau. This means that the bureau has the relationship with the client and they have booked me to speak at their event. The bureau will earn a commission on my fee, usually 25%. They will handle all of the money and pay me after the presentation.

This one particular bureau is a woman who used to work for me. After leaving my office she started her own bureau. In the past she has had poor money management and used the speaker’s money to pay her bills. Although she handles all of the money the only amount of it that is hers is her commission. Several years ago she stiffed me on a fee. She said she was having hard times and was closing her business.

After several years had passed she made contact with me to tell me she was in the business again and had a booking for me. Although I hesitated, I accepted that booking.

Then it happened again. She collected the deposit and the balance. I flew to Orlando, gave a wonderful program for the client and everyone was totally pleased. When I arrived back home I was told that the check would go out this week. It never did!

I had this handled from a perspective standpoint. I took responsibility. I knew that it was a possibility that this woman would have a problem with spending the speaker’s money. I could have asked her to get her deposit up front and to have the client send the rest of the payment directly to me. In fact, I should have insisted on it.

My further thoughts were that not all people are honest and have integrity and it’s not terrible, horrible and awful when they don’t, it just is. So I thought that I had this handled in a very reasonable way. The cognitive behavioral therapists would have been proud of me.

A couple of nights later however I woke up in a state of high anxiety. I was in a flight or fight high anxiety driven state. My amygdala had just hijacked me.

I unfortunately have a very sad personal example. My brother in law was in a 12 year relationship with a woman. They lived together; he financed her business and made other financial commitments on her behalf.

After their break-up this woman comes to his house with her new boyfriend and starts taking furniture that she rationalizes belonged to her.

My brother in law is immediately emotional and amygdala hijacked. He drives over to the new boyfriend’s condo in a rage. He confronts the new boyfriend. This person gets his gun and murders my brother in law. Then he goes into the house and kills himself, a murder-suicide.

Some other famous hijacks;

  1. Bill Clinton with Monica Lewinsky which got him impeached.
  2. Mike Tyson biting Evander Holyfield’s ear in their 1993 boxing match. His hijack cost him 3 million and he lost his boxing license.
  3. Enron’s executives numerous hijacks over their tenure ended with jail!

Let’s take a look at the neurophysiology of the amygdala hijack and then I’ll offer a solution.


An Amygdala Hijack is an immediate and overwhelming emotional response out of proportion to the activating event and independent of logic.  The amygdala is the part of our brain that handles emotions. It is a structure in the limbic area of the brain. During an Amygdala Hijack, the amygdala "hijacks" or shuts down the pre-frontal cortex or PFC.

The PFC includes working memory, judgment, planning, sequencing of activity, abstract reasoning and dividing attention. The prefrontal cortex is involved in impulse control, personality, reactivity to the surroundings and mood.

Ordinarily it is the function of the PFC, prefrontal cortex, to inhibit and direct behavior. This is the part of the brain that will have you do the harder thing.


This is also the seat of willpower. This is your conscious control where you are able to match your behavior with your intentions. When you wake up at 3:50 am and intend to go to the gym for your morning workout, it is the PFC that will stop you from thinking how tired you are and replace that thought with the positive and more compelling thought that every day that you start off with a workout is a better day.

You use the PFC when you plan for your week. This is the logical and reasoning part of the brain. This is how the human species has risen to the top of the food chain. We have the largest frontal lobes of any animal. The frontal lobes are associated with higher-level functions such as self-control, planning, logic and abstract thought.

clip_image009The amygdalae are a set of structures deep within the brain in the limbic area. There are two of these structures. They are a complex system of nerves and networks involving several areas near the edge of the cortex concerned with instinct and mood. It controls the basic emotions (fear, pleasure, anger) and drives (hunger, sex, dominance, care of offspring).

All of your senses connect directly to the amygdala. When there is a strong activation of the amygdala then the flight or fight instinct occurs and you are instinctively driven into action without any activation in the PFC.


This is a tremendous advantage for survival. The limbic area of the brain is very fast. It is this speed that is necessary for survival. Then non conscious brain is 400 times faster than the conscious brain. It favors survival to have the limbic area of the brain see the picture on the left and be able to react to it as if it is the picture on the right.

The PFC is not activated while caveman sprints as fast as he can. It’s not until several seconds later that the PFC engages and the man realizes that he is running for his life from a tiger that can kill him.

Ordinarily we have cortical-limbic loops. This means that we modulate the emotions with our PFC. However, the PFC is very energy intensive and we can’t maintain activity in this area for a prolonged period of time.

There are many examples of the amygdala getting overwhelming activation and controlling your behavior without the modulating influence of the PFC. This is what I am referring to as amygdala hijack!

There are several solutions that will shut down the amygdala hijack. All of them have to do with emotional regulation through rational thinking or what is referred to as cognitive behavioral therapy. This is a reappraisal of the situation in such a way that is not a catastrophic, terrible, horrible and awful experience.

What is important here is to realize that we must take responsibility for the meaning that we give to the events that occur in our life. Events are neutral until we make up a story about them and give them meaning.  We don’t have to believe our story or hold it as being true. We can give it a new narrative, one that is less emotional.

Another intervention is what is called grateful flow. This works wonders.

Imagine an activating event. The bureau doesn’t pay me for a speaking engagement. My brother in law’s ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend are taking his belongings out of his house. You’re stuck in traffic, you name it. Pick an irritant that has happened to you.

Next apply grateful flow. The first part of grateful flow is acceptance. This doesn’t mean that you are passive and allow yourself to be taken advantage of. It just means that you don’t do double duty. Not only did the event occur and you are also upset about it.

Acceptance means that you stop resisting. It’s like pushing a beach ball under the water. The beach ball will constantly rise back up to the top. When you attempt to suppress a thought or feeling it also magnifies and pops back up even stronger. Your resistance magnifies what is being resisted.

So the next time just accept that some people are….fill in the blanks. Or not all people are honest, or do what they promise, have integrity etc.

Once you have acknowledged and accepted the feelings then allow yourself to think about what you are grateful for. Focus on that. What you focus on expands. This type of thought focus will part the dark clouds and give you direct access to the great sunshine that is above. Now you’ll have access to the best version of yourself.


When I woke up that night with all of that anxiety I realized that my previous perceptual control was wearing thin. I immediately went into grateful flow and it stopped the anxiety. I just thought about all of the things that I was grateful for, my health, my family, my career, my friends, the weather, the list is never ending.

What did this was the PFC. It works in opposition to the amygdala. There are other positive activations in the brain caused by grateful flow but I’ll keep it simple.

I wish I would have had the insight to teach my brother in law how to emotionally regulate. If he could have responded differently he would still be alive today.

Use grateful flow and watch the hijack end immediately!


My version of The Theory of Everything!

By Bob Davies

clip_image002Here is a heads up for you. For a long time I’ve been very interested in how the laws of science, physics, math and psychology apply to human behavior. Many of the previous coaching content you’ve experienced considered concepts from the leading edge of research in those disciplines. I’ve been doing quite a bit of “new” research moving forward so you may see more leading edge insights that affect you on a daily basis in future calls. Today’s call is one of those.

Albert Einstein in 1905 said that the essence of his theory of relativity is that we are all equal. We all have the same access to the laws of physics! He went on to say that motion is the key to everything that happens!

The natural state of motion on earth is that we move at a straight line at a constant speed, also known as the law of inertia. A push or a pull is required only to change motion.

Back in the 1700’s, Isaac Newton developed his famous three laws of motion.

1) An object moves uniformly, straight line, constant speed,      unless acted upon by a force. (Law of inertia)
2) A larger force produces a larger acceleration.
3) Forces come in pairs. If A pushes B, then B pushes on A in an      equal amount. (Equal and opposite reaction)

So, what does all of this mean? It means that we live in a cause and effect world. It means that we all have access to abundance if we all simply follow the rules of performance that will give us the highest probability of achieving the results that we are seeking. It means that we live in a universe of rules and laws that are available to everyone.

Translated, this means that anyone who applies these principles will experience predicable results. I did, and you can too!

I grew up in poverty. I was raised in a single parent household and am the only person in my immediate family to ever graduate high school. My mother never graduated. My older brother was involved with drugs and never graduated. My younger sister was also involved with drugs and never graduated. (She has since not only graduated from high school but also gone on to get her nursing degree-I am very proud of her!)

I got lucky. I was involved with sports and had a coach who held me accountable to tap into my potential and set and achieve goals! My coach challenged me to make a decision on what I wanted, what was important, and what I would need to do to have what I wanted, and what I would commit to do right now! (Sound familiar?)

These early experiences became a template that I followed to break through the grasp of low self-image and poverty and claim the abundance and prosperity that is present for everyone.

I learned to get M.A.D. This means, make a decision on what I wanted, what I needed to do to have what I wanted, and then apply the elite performance formula;


According to the laws of physics, anybody in motion will remain in motion unless acted on by an external force. The natural state for all human beings is prosperity, health and abundance. Everyone would have this in their lives except they are acted upon with pushes and pulls. These pushes and pulls are distractions, competing priorities, interruptions, negative attitudes, stress, and the realities of daily life.

The results of these pushes and pulls are mediocrity for 70% of the population. It has become abnormal to have excellence and elite performance unless there is an intervention. What is the intervention? You already know, it’s Behavioral Contracting!

Psychologist and scientists know how the brain works. They know that we are in a constant state of recognition of the highest level of perceived pain and then avoidance.” This is what we do. Unless we have an intervention, we will work up to our comfort zone, avoid and justify our avoidance with rationalization. The intervention is behavioral contracting.”

Something changes in our focus when we make a specific declaration of what actions we will take in a short period of time, seven days. But that’s not enough. We all need to have accountability to take the committed actions. It’s our accountability that enables us to handle and navigate the normal pushes and pulls that occur daily that distract most people. Accountability follows the following formula;


It’s not enough just to say what you will do. There must be what I call “The Check In”. That is where an outside source checks in with you to see if you actually did what you said you would do. That is still not enough! You’ve got to have a negative, painful consequence that will be enforced for non- performance!

The reason for this is how the brain works. Neurosurgeons agree the brain is designed to constantly seek the highest level of perceived pain, and then to compel you to avoid that pain. To protect ourselves from feeling guilty about our avoidance we justify the avoidance with rationalization and never know we are doing it. We just think that we were just too busy!

I had been teaching these principles since I refined my techniques as a football coach at Cal State Fullerton. Working alongside great coaches like Steve Mariucci, the former head coach of the NFL’s SF 49’ers and Detroit Lions, we unlocked the code to tap into the talent and potential in each athlete and turn it into actual performance. The result was two conference championships!

I have been bringing these techniques to the general business population ever since I resigned football coaching in 1983. These principles were widely accepted but there was a universal problem. People were not enforcing the negative consequences for non-performance.

You can’t fight human nature. Our brain searches like a computer and finds the highest level of perceived pain, then compels us to avoid and rationalize! It is a mathematical certainty that this will occur. We need to embrace this and use it. We need to create a highest level of pain in the negative consequence. This way, our brains will focus on avoiding the consequence. The way we avoid the consequence is by doing what we said we would do!

As long as you are careful with what you commit to, (MLO’S), this principle will enable you to compete with the pushes and pulls, the distractions, and will keep your momentum of activity and accomplishment. This formula will keep you focused on getting things done rather than focusing on the reasons why you can’t. It will create inertia, remember, anybody in motion will remain in motion unless acted on by an outside force.

This is what led to the invention of this on-line coaching program. “This is a system of weekly decision making and accountability. You are making a decision on what you will commit to do over the next seven days, and then you place a consequence or fine on each promise that will be enforced by the computer if you don’t accomplish the specified task! It’s brilliant! The results are that you get more done! (Feel free to send me a note about your specific results, info@bobdaviescom. The behavioral contracting program is www.bobdaviescoaching.com)

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California, embraces this concept. In the August 2004 issue of Muscle & Fitness magazine, he states, “I needed a plan of action.” He was referring to changing a weakness, his calves, into a strength. “Within a year my calves had grown by 2 inches. By committing myself to a firm plan of action, I had turned a weak body part into a strong one. That episode illustrates the kind of mind-set that drives me. My mentality dictates that for whatever time I invest in a task, I must achieve a result proportionate to the time invested.”

“I developed this approach soon after I began body building and came to understand very quickly that I only got out of my workouts what I was prepared to put into them.” (Newton’s third law of motion; Forces come in pairs. If A pushes B, then B pushes on A in an equal amount, equal and opposite reaction)

As you know, these principles have been used by sales people, athletes, business owners, entrepreneurs and housewives, who all had one thing in common; they wanted to improve something in their lives.

Make this a scientific experiment. Try behavioral contracting for one week and see if it makes a difference!

Thank you for believing in you! Spread the word!

High Performance Training, Inc.
Bob Davies, M.Ed. Psychology, B.S. Health, MCC Master Certified Coach
20992 Ashley Lane, Lake Forest, CA 92630-5865
949-830-9192 fax 949-830-9492 Email: Info@www.bobdavies.com Website: www.Bobdavies.com On-Line coaching  www.bobdaviescoaching.com

Named in the Top 100 Minds of Personal and Professional Development, World-wide by Excellence Magazine.

Permission granted to publish this article with Resource information included: Bob Davies High Performance Training, Inc. 949-830-9192 info@www.bobdavies.com www.bobdavies.com  Permission also granted to edit this article.

Bob Davies, M.Ed. Psychology, B.S. Health
High Performance Training, Inc.
20992 Ashley Lane
Lake Forest, Ca 92630

The Neuropsychology of Change and the Refusal of the Masses!

By Bob Davies

Jesus said, “The road is narrow, few will choose”. You can’t say it any better than that!

I’m speaking in front of 10,000 people on the main platform for one of the most prestigious meetings in the financial services industry, the Million Dollar Round Table. In that meeting I will give the audience a step by step system that is so precise it will yield a guaranteed result. It involves weight management through the avoidance of flour and sugar and the following of a precise way to weigh and measure food.

Statistically at least two thirds of that audience and possibly 100% will be interested in how they can lose weight. My question is, keeping in mind that I will be giving them a proven step by step formula to reach the goal they say they want to achieve, how many will actually implement my teachings? Can you believe that there is a possibility of none?

Don’t you think that is an amazing possibility? If it’s only 1% that means that 100 people will change their lives through the application of what I will teach them. This continues to stump me. People will tell me that they want to lose weight and I tell them they will need to avoid flour and sugar and they refuse to give up pasta, or pizza, or that buttered bread they so desire at dinner.

According to USC social psychologist Wendy Wood, in a study on the “Take 5” program, 35 percent of people polled came away believing they should eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day. Looking at that result, it appears that the national program was effective at teaching people that it’s important to have 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day. But the data changes when you ask what people are actually eating. Only 11 percent of people reported that they met this goal. The program changed people’s intentions, but it did not overrule habitual behavior.

I’ll take an 11% hit ratio. That will mean that at the MDRT talk I will have helped to change 1,100 lives!

So the curious and research oriented part of me asks the question, why is implementation so low? I’ll need to examine this on several different levels. First the psychological. We have three voices constantly clamoring for our attention. The first is the good voice. This is the goal oriented voice that supports you in reaching your goals. You can expect to hear this voice about an estimated 25% of the time.

The second voice is the bad voice. This is the instant gratification, instinctually driven voice that wants it now. You will be greeted with this perspective 35% of the time.

The third voice is the vision and purpose voice. This is the “why” voice. You will be hearing this voice approximately 60% of the time.

The problem is that most people don’t have their mission, their purpose, their vision, their connection to something bigger than themselves developed so it’s absent. What’s left if you take this voice away is a losing proposition, 35% beats 25% every time. However, if you develop your mission, vision and if you act on purpose connected to the bigger picture then you have a ratio of 85% to 35% and that’s a winning hand.

So how do you connect to the universal energy (Google quantum physics) and tap into your greater self? You start by asking and answering these questions. Why bother? What am I building? How much is enough? What is the big picture? What is the benefit of having-fill in the blank? In this case you will need to be clear about the purpose of losing weight and what weighing less will give you. What benefit will achieving this goal give you? What purpose will achieving this goal allow you to fulfill. The more clearly you can identify this the stronger and more frequently that purpose voice will appear. You’ve got to take some time to write this out. Give it some thought and follow this formula;

Feature-losing weight. + Benefit-more energy. Then ask, what will having (benefit) give you? What will having more energy give you? How about being healthier. What will being healthier give you? Maybe the answer is you will exercise. What will exercising give you? Live longer. What will living longer give you? More time to influence my family and to guide and love them.

Now you can see that changing your habit is linked to the love of your family. Now that’s a purpose.

I’ll grant that this is not scientifically based. It is a bit theoretical and psychological. I’ll discuss more in this arena and then get to the science.

Changing habits will follow these three stages.

1. Unbearable.
2. Uncomfortable.
3. Unstoppable.

Keep in mind that your perceptions are illusions. Yes, they are persistent but illusionary none the less.

When you approach change of any kind you are very apt to feel that it is absolutely unbearable. Why is that? This is now the time for some science.

Much of our daily lives are taken up by habits that we’ve formed over our lifetime. An important characteristic of a habit is that it’s automatic– we don’t always recognize habits in our own behavior. Studies show that about 40 percent of people’s daily activities are performed each day in almost the same situations. Habits emerge through associative learning. “We find patterns of behavior that allow us to reach goals. We repeat what works, and when actions are repeated in a stable context, we form associations between cues and response,” Wendy Wood explains in her session at the American Psychological Association’s 122nd Annual Convention.

Our brain is genetically designed to conserve energy. From a biological perspective answer this question, what is the purpose of your life? Before you start to say world peace, prevent global warming or to leave a legacy to your family, remember I prefaced “from a biological perspective”. The answer is to pass on your genes, period!

Any genetic expression adaptation that favors survival is likely to be passed on. It favors survival to be able to code networks of neurons, habits, together for ease of firing. Once these neurons form a network they also develop a thick myelin sheath covering which creates faster firing saving more energy.

Charles Duhigg states in his book, “The Power of Habit”, a trigger occurs that leads to the routine, which is the behavior itself; then there’s the reward and that’s how the brain learns and encodes this for fast future use.

As humans we have very limited perceptual bandwidth. Since our perceptual abilities are so limited human genetic coding prefers us to form neural networks that are easy to stimulate and lead to fast and automatic firing. This saves energy and frees us up to default that narrow bandwidth of attention to our threats. We are genetically coded to be negative, to be victims, to see obstacles not opportunities. It favors survival to look up and see figure 1 and respond non consciously as if it was figure 2.


Figure 1

Figure 1

Figure 2

Figure 2

This is a non conscious adaptation that favors survival. Regarding our brain, there are three major areas of concern regarding habits.

The outer cortex area of the brain is our logical, analytical, planning and executive thinking part of the brain. It is very expensive brain real estate from an energy use perspective. The orbital frontal cortex, the area right behind your eyebrows, is the area of the brain that executes your conscious will. It is very finite with a limited amount of available energy.

The limbic area is the emotional, instinctual part of the brain. This area has direct neural connections to all of our senses. In other words, if you look and see a spider on your arm you will completely bypass the analysis of the cortex and immediately shoot a stimulus directly to the amygdala in the limbic system which will have you scream and jerk your arm away while simultaneously swatting that spider off. Your heart rate will increase and a host of additional physiological responses of the fight or flight response will instinctually occur.

It’s only after that response that you realize that it wasn’t a spider at all but a piece of plastic. Cave man didn’t have the luxury of evaluating; it takes to long to figure it out.

The brainstem is the autonomic nervous system, breathing, heart rate, etc.

Breaking a habit leads to what is referred to as “cortical-limbic loops”. Here is how it looks from a neurological perspective.


Figure 4

Figure 4

Figure 5

Figure 5

Figure 6

Figure 6

Figure 4 shows a dense bundle of never fibers with cortical-limbic extensions and connections. This is what a habit looks like. This is a strong and fast reacting thinking pattern that bypasses the cortex and leads directly to the emotional act. Feel a sensation, go to the refrigerator. Have anxiety, eat flour and sugar. Breaking this connection at first appears to be unbearable.

If you are driven by your purpose and connection to a higher vision you can then start to develop a new neurological pathway as you see in figure 5. This is when your new intended behavior is in the uncomfortable stage. This is where you would need to practice the philosophy of using your will, the orbital frontal cortex, to maintain the behavior. This requires a very strong intention backed by accountability. In other words, you can’t do this yourself.

An estimated 2.1 million people seek help from AA each year and as many as 10 million alcoholics have achieved sobriety. One of the cornerstones of their 12 step program is to surrender your will to a higher power and to have the accountability that comes from making commitments to a sponsor. This is very much like my behavioral contracting methodology.

Through persistence and conscious repetition you will eventually populate your neurons to develop a new desired network, or habit, figure 6 and now you have developed your new behavior. Repetition is key. Studies have shown it can take anywhere from 15 days to 254 days to truly form a new habit. This refers to these neurological connections creating cortical-limbic loops.

Figures 7-9 shows this from a single neuron perspective.

5 6 7

I use this to show how a different response can be wired in for the cue of frustration. Figure 7 shows the triggering stimulus, something happens, that leads to the wired in response of frustration. Next using your intentions, your will power, you have an intervention. This needs to be driven by the limbic area of the brain so you will need to declare the action plus a painful consequence such as a $100 fine. For example, every time I notice myself beginning to get angry I stop, and repeat that I respond to frustration with fascination. If you don’t apply this conscious intervention then you will have to pay another person the painful penalty of $100. This engages the limbic area of the brain.

With conscious repetition, you will actually see the previous wired in response of figure 7 beginning to deteriorate and a new response begins to get established, figure 8. With additional repetition, (remember the 15-254 day rule of thumb) this goes from being unbearable, through uncomfortable to unstoppable, figure 9. Now you can see what is called synaptic pruning, where you are strengthening the new response, habit, and dissolving the previously unchallenged response, the circle in figure 9.

Too much science? Sorry, but that’s my style. I’m not big on wishful thinking. I want to see the objective data that is proof of claim. This is referred to as brain plasticity and it is proof of my claim;

“You have far more capacity to create the circumstances and events in your life then you are aware of”.

You can create the formation of new neurons in the orbital frontal cortex through meditation. Meditation for as little as five minutes a day will create neurogenesis, new nerve cell development and it will also increase the size of the insula, a fold of tissue directly under the orbital frontal cortex that is responsible for meta cognition, or awareness of your sensations.

Be a student of human behavior. Have faith in the process. Meditate for five to ten minutes a day, be a life time student of learning and make weekly commitments to someone else with painful penalties for non performance until your old habits are stopped and your new habits are formed. Then you will have gone from unbearable, through uncomfortable, to unstoppable. Now you will have 65% of your mind power driving you to be, do and think the way that you need to so you will be the best version of yourself, every day.

Bob Davies
High Performance Training, Inc.
Bob Davies, M.Ed. Psychology, B.S. Health, MCC Master Certified Coach
20992 Ashley Lane, Lake Forest, CA 92630-5865
949-830-9192 fax 949-830-9492 Email: Info@www.bobdavies.com Website: www.Bobdavies.com On-Line coaching www.bobdaviescoaching.com

Named in the Top 100 Minds of Personal and Professional Development, World-wide by Excellence Magazine.


Permission granted to publish this article with Resource information included: Bob Davies High Performance Training, Inc. 949-830-9192 info@www.bobdavies.com www.bobdavies.com Permission also granted to edit this article.
Bob Davies
High Performance Training, Inc.
20992 Ashley Lane
Lake Forest, Ca 92630

The Coaching Conversation

I recently participated on a panel as one of four the top coaches in the USA. It was quite an honor to be selected and it was interesting to see the approaches of other coaches considered to be leaders in the field.

It became very apparent that I have a different and unique approach. I thought I’d share it with you. My approach is a combination of the best practices of elite performers and laws of science.

If you look at a definition of coaching you will see that it’s a partnership designed to forward and enhance the life long process of human learning, effectiveness and fulfillment. This operates from the major assumption that people want to live in excellence and continue to learn and become for effective and fulfilled.

I’ve rarely come across someone who doesn’t say that they want this but most people don’t believe that they can have change and improvement so they simply don’t try. They live their lives in resignation believing that they are doing the best that they can be doing.

I challenge people about this. I ask, “Do dogs love bones?” almost everyone will say yes. I reply, “No they don’t. They love meat, they settle for bones!” Where are you living your life in resignation believing that you are doing the best that you can be doing.

This type of analysis is not good or bad, it just is. So I’ll ask you to look inward without judgment. If you go to judgment you will become defensive and justify your circumstances. This will prevent personal and professional growth.

As a result of the coaching conversation that I have with people they will have the following experience. I use this triangle as an anology.

They will see things differently then they have on their own in the past, new perspectives. They will be challenged and they will be held accountable. My approach also cares about how they are as a human being, how fulfilled they are, their mission, their fun and passions. Also included is their actions. Are they doing not only the right kinds of activities but enough of them for a result to occur. That’s human doing.
I start at the bottom of the triangle, physiology. This is the foundation. Almost everyone that I work with is on my health program. Some are not. I have a coaching commandment that states the following; “Your lifestyle is an asset, not a liability”. This is backed up by another commandment, “What I can control, I must control”. I also embrace the serenity prayer and add that as a coaching commandment as well, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” We go for progress, not perfection.

Also a major part of this foundational base of my coaching triangle is attitude. All behavior is driven by neurons, your brain. Attitude is mind set. It’s a set of beliefs and neurological networks call schemata’s. These are wired together bundles of neurons that make up a habit. We must control our attitude.

Science says there is no dispute about this. Your thinking is an electrical impulse that generates the release of chemicals. These chemicals (neurotransmitters) have a charge and like attracts like so it is your thought that creates your reality. I like what the noted biologist Benjamin Libet says, “Reality is in the mind of the observer”. This is a quantum physics discussion for another time.

Have you seen the mathematical “Coincidence or Not?” formulas? It states the following;




1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26


K + N + O + W + L + E + D + G + E

11 + 14+ 15 + 23 + 12 + 5 + 4 + 7 + 5 = 96%

H + A + R + D + W + O + R + K

8 + 1 + 18 + 4 + 23 + 15 + 18 + 11 = 98%

Both are important but fall just short of 100%


A + T + T + I + T + U+ D + E

1 + 20 + 20 + 9 + 20 + 21 + 4 + 5 = 100%

Is this a coincidence? Well the world is made of math. Language is the math of communication. There are no mistakes in the universe, who knows. It’s a very interesting observation that is supported by science. For example, a positive attitude works in opposition to the emotional amygdale in the limbic system, the emotional area of the brain, by keeping electrical activity in an area called the septum. With positive thinking the septum is activated and that opens receptor sites for brain chemicals associated with focus, attention and well being. There is a scientific reason to be training your attitude.

Physiology, attitude, mind set, beliefs are ongoing processes of discovery, trial and error, failures and successes and are constantly being developed in my coaching.

Next I jump up to the top of the triangle, Goals. We must ask and answer these questions;

1. What do you want?
2. What are you building?
3. Why bother?
4. How much is enough?

This includes your mission, your vision, why you exist, what your philosophies are as well as the specific targets.

Next will come a discussion on the tactics that you will use to reach those goals. This includes staffing, campaigns, marketing, etc.

This is followed by a discussion about your metrics, what you can observe and measure as well as the systems that need to be in place to execute your plan.

Next the following questions are asked;

1. What do you need to do to have what you want?
2. What do you need to do this week?
3. What will you do this week, your commitment?
4. How will you be held accountable? What is your behavioral contract!

This is a powerful conversation to have. Remember, change is very, very difficult. The reason is due to how the brain works creating neural networks of bundled neurons that wire together and fire together. They become dense and fire fast.

I have mentioned in previous articles how change goes through three stages;

1. Unbearable.
2. Unconfortable.
3. Unstoppable.

Most people won’t make it through the unbearable stage. It takes a reason to persist. You’ve got to have a clearly defined WHY! If you do persist however, you will generate new neurological patterns, called brain plasticity, and then move to being unstoppable.

It’s a matter of purpose, passion, excitement, planning and accountability. I have my clients follow the following steps of their program;

1. Constant learning fosters neural genesis, new brain cell development. So, they read one page a day from my “Day Book’.
2. Meditate 5-10 minutes every day. Meditation strengthens the development of the outer cortex, it enhances the mylenation of the neurons for faster and easier firing and increases meta cognition, a noticing of your feelings and sensations.
3. Precise previous planning prevents poor performance. We do weekly behavioral contracts and embrace accountability.
4. Hire a coach!

That’s my menu for excellence. Make it a great day!

Four Noble Truths about Excellence By Bob Davies








One of the things that differentiate what I do from everyone else is the fact that my program is based on a combination of the laws of science and the best practices of elite performers. Also I am constantly doing research particularly in the fields of neural science, brain science.

Oddly enough, it was during that research that I came across some principles of the Buddha that have stuck with me. The Buddha was born as Siddhartha Gautama in Nepal around 2,500 years ago. He did not claim to be a god or a prophet. He was a human being who became Enlightened, understanding life in the deepest way possible. It is on his philosophies that Buddhism was founded.

It’s amazing that the Buddha didn’t know that scientific principles were the foundations of his philosophies. They didn’t have fMRI back 2,500 years ago. It’s amazing that as I reach back into the history of the world’s great minds, science is right there supporting their philosophies.

I love these four noble truths;

  1. Life is full of suffering.
  2. The cause of suffering is selfish desire.
  3. Suffering can be eliminated.
  4. Suffering can be relieved by following the 8 Fold Paths of Buddhism.

Think about this. The cause of suffering is selfish desire. The good news about this is that this can be controlled and changed. The Buddha didn’t say the cause of our suffering is our genetic predispositions. He said selfish desire.

So, I’m making my salad in the kitchen and I take the outer layer of an onion and toss it into the closest garbage can to my right. My sister in law was over the house and she freaks out. “That’s for recyclables, not trash” she yells. Hold on. What is she responding to? This is an example of selfish desire. She is responding to the world as she judges it should be. She is upset because I’m not behaving the way she thinks is right, judgment, and it’s her selfish desire that things are the way they should be rather than the way they are. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t say something about the proper garbage can, but to create her own suffering over this is a bit on the unenlightened side.

Another example is one of my coaching clients. I’m urging him to go on the food plan of the avoidance of flour and sugar. He tells me that he will not give up his buttered bread at dinner, selfish desire.

I say this without judgment, just observing. The alarm clock goes off at 3:30 am and I plan on being at the gym by 4:00 am. If I feel tired, I might rationalize that it would be better for me to sleep in today. That’s selfish desire. The desire to remain in comfort is selfish desire.

The Buddha would say to observe the Noble 8 Fold Path which is the following;

  1. Right View
  2. Right Intention
  3. Right Speech
  4. Right Action
  5. Right Livelihood
  6. Right Effort
  7. Right Mindfulness
  8. Right Concentration

The Right View is a detached way of seeing. It is seeing with an empty mind, or as the Buddha would say, in the middle. It is seeing without expectations or judgments. It is being neutral to the emotions which are self imposed. A detached way of seeing is one of the strongest mind set traits that you can develop. It will break the “cortical-limbic” loops where your thinking at the outer analyzing cortex is directly linked to the emotional limbic area of the brain. When you have mastered detached seeing no one can ever upset you; now that’s peace of mind.

Right Intention is the exertion of your own will towards change. This also intercepts the cortical-limbic loops. I can just stop my thinking and decide to go to the gym and not pay attention to being tired, or my client can decide just for today not to have any buttered bread. Or my sister in law can decide to think loving thoughts and just take the onion skin out of one garbage can and place it into another. What power, exerting your own will towards change. I love it.

The rest of the paths lead to right memory, right awareness and right attention. Are you paying attention to the right kinds of neurological networks of joy and appreciation? Your thoughts reinforce and strengthen the neurological connections that you are using. This leads to a greater mylenation, the fatty insulation of the neurons which speeds up transmissions and uses less energy. These become your preferred circuits over time. You can control this.

One of the best ways to wire in detached seeing and the 8 Fold Paths is through mediation. Regardless of the type of meditation that you do, observational, intentional, transcendental, all of them will have a positive effect on your brain. Meditation will cause the orbital frontal cortex to generate new neurons, called neurogenisis or brain plasticity. There is a fold of cortex tissue called the insula that will grow in size due to meditation. This area is responsible for your “meta cognition” or your awareness of the sensations you are feeling.

So sit in a comfortable position “with dignity”. Close your eyes and effortlessly allow your mind to go thoughtless. You can count breaths, box breath, (inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, exhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds), or repeat a mantra effortlessly, as a thought, and this will quiet the brain “chatter” and generate the neurological response.

The science says you will get a response in as little as 5 minutes of meditation. Add it into your routine.

Coach Bob

High Performance Training, Inc.
Bob Davies, M.Ed. Psychology, Springfield College, B.S. Health, Rutgers University, MCC Master Certified Coach
20992 Ashley Lane, Lake Forest, CA 92630-5865
tel: 949-830-9192
fax: 949-830-9492
Email: Info@www.bobdavies.com
Website: www.Bobdavies.com
On-Line coaching: www.bobdaviescoaching.com

Named in the Top 100 Minds of Personal and Professional Development, World-wide by Excellence Magazine.



Permission granted to publish this article with Resource information included: Bob Davies High Performance Training, Inc. 949-830-9192 info@www.bobdavies.com www.bobdavies.com  Permission also granted to edit this article.

Bob Davies
High Performance Training, Inc.davies-460c
20992 Ashley Lane
Lake Forest, Ca 92630






Change – It’s Natures Way

Hold a pencil above eye level. Let go of your grip and you can predict with 100% certainty that it will fall. Although the principle of gravity remains unseen you know that it exists and therefore you plan accordingly.

This principle holds true for all of nature’s ways. Dig a hole in your back yard and leave it alone. In a short period of time it will fill in. Nature abhors a vacuum. This principle exerts its effect regardless of our understanding or belief.

There is an arrow of time with our perception. Although time works equally well both forward and backwards in physics equations, we can only perceive times arrow moving forward. A broken egg never gets unbroken. Times arrow is another principle of nature.

So it is with change. The good news is that there is a direction of change towards ongoing learning. It seems that the answers to all of our problems from clean energy to world peace are all ready present, it’s just our discovering what they are.  This discovery or learning happens over time and the direction of time is towards constant learning.

All of a sudden in what seems like a blink of eye, the world can change forever. A few inventions have had such a powerful effect that they changed the way people think and act. The printing press, steam power, the telegraph and the computer were gigantic forces for change.

In about 1450, a German goldsmith, Johann Gutenberg, invented the first printing press. This press used movable type. Prior to this books were created by hand. This took years to copy and of course was very expensive.

The press made it possible for everyone to own books. Newspapers also became commonplace. The printing press changed every part of civilization. Discoveries in the sciences changed the way people saw the universe. The period between the 1500s and the 1700s is called the scientific revolution.

Experts believe the scientific revolution started when Nicolaus Copernicus tried to convince people that the earth and planets moved around the sun. The commonly held belief was that it was a certainty that the earth was the central figure and everything revolved around it. Copernicus was highly criticized for his contrary belief.

Other advances include the microscope. Prior to this discovery Dr. Lister warned physicians to wash their hands because of unseen germs. He also was met with skepticism.

Galileo improved the telescope and this allowed him to see images of the moon and other planets. Isaac Newton’s discovery of the laws of motion and gravity further changed beliefs.

In the late 1700s and early 1800s technology changed history once again. The prevailing thinking was that the only way to increase human strength or speed was to work with a stronger animal such as a horse. The invention of steam engines gave people a new source of power.

In 1800 it would have taken six days to travel from New York City to Washington D.C., by horseback. By the 1830’s, steam powered trains transported people on this journey in less than a day and at an affordable price.

Steamboats and steam locomotives gave people the ability to move themselves and goods all over the country, even in remote areas. People could visit family and friends and news spread quickly all over the country.

The first telegraph line was completed in 1844 making instant communication possible for the first time in history. By 1866 a telegraph cable was run on the floor of the Atlantic Ocean. People could now instantly communicate with other countries as well.

Steam engines and the telegraph changed the way people thought about time and space. The world appeared to be smaller and interconnected. What’s most interesting however are the countless beliefs that were previously held as being true that were now cast aside. New possibilities continued to be revealed.

With the invention of computers everything changed again. The first electronic computer, the ENIAC or Electronic Numerical Integrator and Calculator, was build in 1946. By 1995 the Internet was up and running. Today computer driven robots are performing surgeries. Computers can respond to thoughts from people who are paralyzed. Computers are running the Mars Curiosity rover.

So what does this mean to you for this year? It means that you can benefit by using a planning strategy and suspending fear and doubt. I’ve always maintained that when I coach someone I’m not adding anything new. What I do is teach you how to have access to the talent and abilities that you already have.

All of the great advances that I’ve previously mentioned were already here. It just took our civilizations growth and maturity to learn how to tap into what was already available.

So what will you create for this year? What do you want? What do you need to do to have what you want? What do you need to do this week? What do you commit to do this week? Next add accountability and create a behavioral contract where you will be held accountable to take the actions to execute your weekly plan with a negative consequence if you don’t.

One thing you can count on is that there is a direction of the universe and that is constant growth and improvement. Are you growing and improving? Constant learning is the best medicine for you to have continued mental clarity and yes, health. So, what are you committed to learn and create this year? Challenge your limiting beliefs. Embrace this statement;

“You have far more capacity to create the circumstances and events in your life then you are aware of.”

Decide what you will create for yourself and your family right now. Make your plan and execute your plan. Expand what you think is possible. Live with passion and energy. Create your life!

Feel Overwhelmed? Don’t Buy it! It’s All About Mindset!

That’s right! Famous biologist Benjamin Libet said, “Reality is in the mind of the observer”. Your feeling of being overwhelmed is self imposed.

I am a private pilot. This reminds me of a time I was receiving instruction in the simulator and the instructor said he’s putting a 100 mph tailwind so I could arrive at the approach point for the Santa Barbara Airport from John Wayne.

I noticed that one of my instruments was jumping all over the place. I asked him if he also put a cross wind and he told me, “No, you’re doing that with your feet on the rudder pedals”, wow, self imposed turbulence!

And that’s how it is with feeling overwhelmed, self imposed turbulence!

Let’s examine this more closely.

I had a coaching client tell me that he’s putting in 12 hour days, his kids take up all of his time on the weekends with their sports activities and he has absolutely no time for himself or for his wife. He was overwhelmed.

I did not let him stay in victim land and blame his circumstances. I brought him right back to one of our core principles, “Accountability-I am the source of all that I experience, versus going victim and blaming”.

I use what I call coaching commandments. When a person is not feeling that they are performing at their best then the first place to look at is what coaching commandments are being violated. We start at our very first commandment, “No judgment. It’s not good or bad, it just is.”

Another coaching commandment is “My lifestyle is an asset, not a liability”. Now the commandments kept rolling out as being violated. They included;

I put myself first-be selfish.
What you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say.
Tell the truth faster.
What assumptions are you making?

Then this conversation led to the addition of seven additional commandments. I’ll get to those shortly.

As the conversation continued I asked my client to make a list of the assumptions that he was making. There was one overriding assumption for his business and that was that he has to get things done today. That’s just the way that it is.

We looked at the reality of his personal life and we could clearly see that he was putting his kids first, other volunteer obligations next, his wife third and himself not at all.

He also explained how he was a volunteer as the treasurer for his son’s baseball team and how that took him 3 hours of time on Friday and another 3 hours on Saturday this past week. I think I caught him off guard when I commented that he was being a fraud.

His response was, ok, you’ve got my attention. I explained that if you want to know what someone is committed to look at what they have. If a person is in a miserable relationship then they are committed to being in a miserable relationship. If someone is morbidly overweight then likewise that is what they are committed to. There are no mistakes. We are result machines.

He was fraudulently saying that he wanted to spend time with his wife yet he was involved with all of these other activities. So what is the truth?

So we added these coaching commandments;

  1. I put myself first-be selfish. Most people live a life of putting their kids first, their spouse second and themselves last. This results in fatigue, a feeling of being overwhelmed and resentment.


I am an advocate of putting yourself first, then your spouse and then your kids. What good can you be for others if you are not feeling good, energized and focused? It’s just like the airlines, put your mask on first and then grab your favorite kid and put their mask on. Continuing…

  1. Where am I in resignation-believing that I’m doing the best that I can?
  2. Where in my life am I settling?

Two and three are related to this question; “Do dogs love bones?” The answer is NO, they love meat, they settle for bones. My client was settling for being overwhelmed, making assumptions that this was the best that he could do and then complaining about it.

A big violation of accountability-I am the source of all that I experience! So we added another few commandments;

  1. What do I need to say no to?
  2. Because to Be/cause and opportunity is nowhere to opportunity is now/here.
  3. Where am I being a fraud?
  4. Be uncomfortable every day.
  5. If you want to see what someone is committed to look at what they currently have.

Now this is strong stuff. Back to the 12 hour workdays. There is something structurally wrong if you can’t get what you need to get done in normal business hours. It could be this principle, water takes the shape of the container that holds it. In other words, if he gives himself 12 hours to complete his tasks it will take 12 hours.

I’m reminded of being guilty of this as a college football coach. Our staff would come into the office for a 7:00 am staff meeting, then we’d prepare for the day’s practice, have practice, go to dinner, then back into the office until 2:00 am and start all over the next day.

On the other hand, when Terry Donahue was the coach at UCLA his staff would go home after practice, around 6:00 pm. He said that if you weren’t a good enough coach to get your work done before practice then go home to your family and come back rested the next day then maybe you shouldn’t be on his staff!  Now that’s cold!

So another coaching commandment comes to the surface, “don’t complain about the dark-light a candle.”  Instead of whining about how overwhelmed your are get MAD. Make A Decision.

  1. What do you need to say no to?

You may need to embrace coaching commandment #7. Be uncomfortable every day because you may need to say no to someone who will try to make you feel guilty for saying no. Will you stand in the face of losing their approval and stick with you no? Or will you avoid to the more comfortable position of continuing to take on the overwhelming tasks and then complaining about how little time you have? It’s a choice!

Be the cause of your life. Don’t respond to others requests and not be able to spend time with your wife because of this and that circumstance. Instead, be the cause of your circumstances. Maybe you need to hire someone else in your business. Maybe someone is incompetent and not doing their job and that is coming back to you in the form of a 12 hour day. Maybe you need to delegate or stop being a perfectionist.

Whatever it is, make a decision and stop worrying about being approved of by other people. Claim your peaceful and healthy state of mind. It really is up to you!

Most of all, tell the truth faster. Maybe you are avoiding spending time with you kids because they aggravate you. Tell the truth and stop complaining!

Now you know!

Coach Bob